I don’t know when it happened, when I lost it, but I did. I used to take two steps at a time, now I only take one and feel like I am going to fall when my legs are fatigued.
I don’t know when it happened, when I lost it, but I did. I used to plan things so I knew what I was going to be doing each day for several weeks at a time, now I only plan a couple days because nothing stays the same for long.
I could go on and on, but it would be pointless. I’ve lost a lot the past several years, and I’m learning that I lost more than I thought. It slipped right out from under me when I wasn’t looking. I held on to a lot important things, but lost the little things I wouldn’t miss. Not at first. The realization something is missing hits me at random times, like yesterday when I was going up a flight of stairs and remembered I used to skip steps. Or, this morning when I realized five years ago I would have planned my entire week by now, especially since I am flying to Washington D.C., on Friday. But, if I look at things another way, I’ve gained a lot. And that is actually one of the things I gained. I gained a way of looking at things, a “when life hands you mold, make penicillin” kind of way. What? Lemons don’t fit my personality.
I made penicillin out of being diagnosed with GP. At first I raised funds for G-PACT, and then I signed up to be an official volunteer. I was still being me, just in a different way. Prior to being diagnosed with GP (and for awhile after) I volunteered as a running coach for Girls on the Run, taught Taekwondo at my dojang, and worked for a no kill feline rescue. Since I wasn’t feeling well enough to go out and do those things, G-PACT was an outlet for my desire to volunteer. And by doing what I usually do, working hard, I gradually fell into the role of public relations director.
The point of the post, if you haven’t figured it out, is not to tell you to look on the bright side. You’ve probably heard it a billion times by now and I can guarantee a few of you groaned when you were reading this. No, the point of this post is actually to tell you that you need to find a way to feel normal. To do the things you used to do, even if it is in a different way. Do you like to volunteer? Then find a volunteer position you can do from your home. There are tons of them out there. You just have to think outside the box, come up with something. I don’t like lemons, but I still found away to tell you to look on the bright side, didn't I? *groan*
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